The Guild of Mild Inconvenience

The Guild of Mild Inconvenience is a long standing and noble guild who spread chaos and dissent about the realm. They are much like the Thieves Guild or Assassins guild, only, they are known for being quite useless and otherwise cowardly. The Guild members believe themselves to be the true bringers of chaos and despair by causing one or two minor aggravations in peoples lives. They believe the combined hassles will eventually cause the world to topple. That one squeaky bed-spring, that spilled cup of ale, that one missing left sock will one day cause the apocalypse.

Whilst they await the foretold coming of the end of the world, supposedly as a result of a well placed banana peel, the Guild of Mild Inconvenience carries out the will of the great Moderate Evil. They hide in the shadows and loosen door hinges. They raise stone tiles and slabs in the street and chortle in delight as hurried individuals go sprawling. They are the watchers in the dark; placing the fat spider upon the pillow of dreams and delighting in the frightened shrieks of arachnophobia sleepers.

Your players may encounter such a guild on their journeys. They might pick fun at them and their cowardly attempts at trying to stir up the end of the world. That joking might just paint a symbol on their back; not a bright one, in red, something more bland. A beige X. Although, X's are quite harsh looking letters so probably more a circle. Yes, the players will be targeted by the dream beige circle of death. Except, probably not death as that is more the assassins guild's remit and the Guild of Minor Inconvenience is not one for treading on any toes in their pursuit of world annihilation. So, the players will suffer. Suffer mildly.

The Moderate Evil and his Ho-Hum's

The Moderate Evil is the glorious leader of the Guild of Mild Inconvenience. He or She is a faceless clay-like creature supposedly working for the true leader of chaos. Some believe that The Moderate Evil is Chaos itself, although give its quivering chicken-shit attitude towards the maiming and murdering of individuals that is incredibly unlikely. Some have even gone as far as to blaspheme, claiming that The Moderate Evil is really just an elderly gentleman, angry at the kids always stealing strawberries from his garden, dressed in a white sheet. There are dark and not to be trusted rumours that the guild began as an accident, an attempt to chase off hooligans and annoy bad neighbours and it grew into a national organisation out of an incorrectly labelled letter (how inconvenient).

There are rumours the Moderate Evil has the gift of seeing briefly into the future and that is how its agents know where and when to cause havoc.

The Ho-Hum's are the agents of the Moderate Evil. A group of agents destined with the glorious job of really annoying people. Some die in their pursuit of being truly bothersome by doing such a good job they end up with large knives in their backs or peppered with a colourful array of arrows.

Missions for the Guild of Mild Inconvenience

Because being a dick can be a lot of fun. 

• Players may need to assist the Ho-Hum's in spreading their chaos around cities and small villages. This might be shaving down chair legs, unhinging doors, moving furniture in peoples houses slightly to the right, casting spells to make food go off a few days early and so on and so forth.

• The Moderate Evil requires the players to go above and beyond the call of duty. They must sabotage a wedding. They have been given an off-colour white dress that is almost identical to the brides. They have bloomers too short for the grooms. The flowers are tulips, not roses. The players must infiltrate the wedding of a dangerous Assassins Guild member and sabotage as best as possible, without killing anyone.

• The Moderate Evil has requested the players to carry out a very complicated task. A great wizard has a set of magical stones that the Moderate Evil has decided it needs in order to carry out its plans. It has requested the players go in and replace these stones with painted potatoes. Unfortunately, this crosses over into the thieves guilds territory so as the players go to carry out their mission they have to contend with the other guild.

Tables of Minor Annoyance

If the players invoke the wrath of the Guild of Mild Inconvenience ever so often the Game Master may ask them to roll on the below tables depending on the situation. These are instances where the player's character has been sabotaged.

Minor Annoyances for Combat

1	The character’s laces have been tied together somehow. This may have been at the start of the combat or an invisible force may have tied the laces during. Either way, this causes the player to fall. They lose their action.	6	The character’s shoes have been swapped out for two left feet. The character is unable to walk or run as far or as fast in their shoes. Take a penalty to any movement related actions until the shoes are removed.
2	The character has eaten something slipped into their food which gives them strange hallucinations. They take -1 to their attack rolls for 1d6 turns.	7	The character has slept during the night with their hand in a cup of water. This has caused them to have a full bladder. During combat, the sudden need to relieve them takes hold and nothing can be done to stop it. The player must make a Save vs. Paralyse to stop them from being unable to act as they wet themselves.
3	All of your weapons have been perfectly replicated except now they are designed to be used with the opposite hand. -1 to any dexterity rolls.	8	A rock is lobbed from out of nowhere. This counts as a sneak attack on behalf of the Guild Member NPC and the rock is 1d4 in damage.
4	Thieves’ tools are missing their components, magic users books and scrolls have been smudged and warriors are finding their body oil is now honey. Whatever is missing, this causes the players character to have to make a Save vs. Paralyse on their next attack.	9	A sudden flurry of previously caged birds erupts from a hidden place. This allows the enemy a +1 to their attack or allows them to escape from combat without a penalty.
5	The characters clothes have been picked gently at the seams. As the player enters combat their plate, scale or cloth armour falls apart reducing their AC back to the default. They are fighting in the nude.	10	A strange light is being shone in the characters eyes from a mirror. The person makes no attempt to hide themselves and even calls out “Yoo hoo!” to draw attention to their annoying behaviour. The NPC enters combat and the player is temporarily blinded by the light.

Minor Annoyances Out of Combat

1	The next time the player goes to unroll their bed they find that breadcrumbs have been crushed up into the bedding. No matter what they do they cannot shake the bread free and suffer a terrible night’s sleep.	6	An important document or map has had blood spilt over it smudging the words or roads to the point of being illegible.
2	The player wakes up the next day to find that their underwear has been stolen.	7	A wanted poster has appeared with a criminal who looks almost exactly like the character that has been targeted.
3	Out of nowhere a pack of dogs begins following the character around. They try to chew on the characters pockets and bags. If the player investigates, they will find meat has been stuffed throughout their belongings.	8	All of the characters clothing and armour has had the words “Kick Me” scrawled onto the back or etched in.
4	The character finds that rat food has been laid out among their clothes and in their helmet or hood. An Explosive Rat has been following them around and it is now their loyal companion.	9	Whenever the character asks for directions or any questions, NPC’s have been asked to be as unhelpful as possible and comment on a negative aspect of the player character’s personality or appearance. This may be a curse or simply guild members getting to NPC’s before the character.
5	Whenever a player sits down at a table or on a chair, the chair or table is wonky as if someone got their first. Drinks and food slips sideways and occasionally a table or chair may even collapse at a pivotal moment.	10	A slight tampering with the characters equipment causes their weapon to malfunction or break into pieces at any time.  If the player is a magic user or a specialist, this may be the result of a potion in a drink or a strange pie.

Images from Wikimedia Commons / Public Domain.