My Thoughts on Horror

I was queried recently as to my thoughts on horror. I had not too long ago stated that I didn't like horror films and that I found horror computer games a straight up "Nope." (especially Amnesia, I think I got down the second corridor before I turned that one off), so it was with some interest to some people that I would happily sit down to play a horror tabletop roleplaying game, even run one.

+The Good Friends of Jackson Elias, a Call of Cthulhu Podcast talk about the appeal of horror extensively in their recent episode, and its a good one. The general array of responses and attitudes reflect my own mixed emotions on the subject quite neatly to boot, as I find it hard to pin down exactly how I feel about the subject.

The nearest answer I could come up with as to why I disliked watching a horror was down to my own predisposition to over-think things. For example I visited the Torture Museum in Brugge a few months back and found it immensely interesting and remarkable that we, as a race, can be so horrible to each other and come up with ingenious ways to be horrible in graphic detail. Particularly the one with the brass cow.

Its a torture method wherein a victim is put inside a hollow brass cow, with a fire lit beneath the belly of the cow. The brass slowly heats up, cooking the victim. The mouth of the cow is carved in a fashion to really amplify the screams of the person, causing the whole cow to 'moo'.

I marvelled at the creativity of it all, but spent a large part of the next several hours thinking about what it would be like to be trapped in that thing; how would it feel at first, that sense of helplessness coupled with the slow burning sensation that would escalate into an unbearable inferno with no chance of relief?

I've been told people enjoy that kind of post-horror reflection, revelling in the increased adrenaline. I however find it incredibly hard to stop thinking about it and end up terrifying myself beyond reason. There's a part of my brain that says "Ok, its not actually happening to you" but its quickly silenced by another part that pipes up, "Yes... but what if...?".

I will however happily run a tabletop horror game. When asked outright why I liked to do so, I gave an answer about how its because I was in a position to handle the horror on my terms, presenting it in a controlled way that worked for me but was still exciting for those playing in the game. After a few days reflection on that however I think its because I, in reality, don't actually run a 'true' horror game and instead find that the games I run turn to a sort of dark comedy where the players aren't entirely connected with the emotional horror. I think I'm ok with this, and to date I think those who have played in my games have been quite content with the balance. I do strive one day to run a game that genuinely creeps people out however, likely Death Love Doom which is so far the first RPG book I've come across that I've had to put down several times while reading.

I'm certainly a long way off from achieving +Scott Dorward levels. Scott has managed to scare the shit out of me during an Unknown Armies campaign to the point that I genuinely thought I had upset him somehow, and sufficiently creep me out during another Unknown Armies game where I spent most the following nights thinking uneasily about some of the imagery he conjured up. Bastard (but in a good way). I thoroughly enjoyed both sessions, I'd like to add.

So after a meander through the subject I find myself in a weird attraction with horror with no real concrete answer. If asked, "Do you like horror?" it's still a "No.". I dislike it, but it interests me. Like a moth to a light bulb I find myself fluttering around it but unable to settle on it.