The Purple Maze (The Conclusion)

The following will make little sense if you have not read the preceding reports. If you're just here for the thoughts on The Islands of Purple-Haunted Putresence then please skip to the last section titled "After Party". If you want to read the previous session reports please click here.

It comes down to this moment. Five unlikely heroes, journeying to the realm of the Dark Gods to ... well, see what happens. Lost, the Innocent. Ivy, the Brave. Karys, the Odd. Randall, the Deadly. Lyrica, the Pure. They gave the nod to Amazing Larry and he set their destination coordinates. As the transporters whirred into life, one of the comm screens lit up and displayed a foreboding figure. It was +Venger Satanis.

I started the session with a cameo appearance from the hoss himself, Venger, writer of The Islands of Purple-Haunted Putrescence. There was a couple of seconds as it clicked as to who it was on the screen (I had been trying so hard to keep this secret!) but laughs broke out around the table as the realisation sunk in. It provided the perfect way to kick start the final episode of our adventures.

And now, the conclusion...

As the video finished out, the screen wobbled and in amidst the blurriness a figure could be made out yelling something that sounded suspiciously like "Snowball fight!". The players then found themselves waking up on a large metal disc that floated above a crystal landscape. Overhead, husks of spaceships destroyed in a battle millennia ago hung lifeless in the night sky, three moons were creeping up from the horizon to provide a contrast against the star-filled nebula-splashed space that dominated the world.

A cough behind them came from a strange, tall insect like creature. He was dressed in a leopard print coat and introduced himself as Brian O'Richardson and welcomed them to the realm of the Dark Gods. He explained how things went; in order to visit the Dark Gods in person, they had to collect at least 10 crystals from the City of Fractured Realities. This would buy them 10 minutes in Their presence, though if they retrieved extra crystals they could earn extra time. He offered them attractive full body purple tracksuits (100% cotton, sweat-shop made with embroidered names on the breast) which would be "helpful in the event of death".

The players checked a few more details then agreed to proceed, so Brian revealed behind them in the crystal landscape, as if it had always been there, the City of Fractured Realities. It was surrounded by a mile wide moat filled with a writhing mass of moaning bodies, young and old - this was the River of Sacrifice. All those who had been sacrificed to the Dark Gods ended up in there.

Inside the moat lay the city itself, a collection of odd rounded buildings lay squat around a tall pillar that stretched miles up into the sky - atop this pillar was where the Dark Gods resided. As they approached on their disc the players could see creatures from various realities and realms wandering around the city and entering different buildings.

At the entrance to the city lay a settlement that stood out. Where the buildings were clean and functional looking, this settlement was botched together with broken parts and made up of lean-tos. It transpired that the settlement had an advanced defence system that prevented violence from occurring within its ground and provided free food and water to those within. Some machine brought here by travellers aeons ago had set it up, and it was rumoured to still be around.

An Old Friend

After some investigation they found their way into a basement under the settlement. Rows of computer screens and touch panels filled the tiny room but against the far wall a shape was hidden under a cloak. Underneath lay a rusted, tarnished computer with a note pinned to it:

Thank you for letting us take Ultra-Net, he managed to save our world from Chaos but sadly couldn't save it from ourselves.

- 'the previous tenants'

Lost wasted no time in trying to Tinker with what would appear to be Ultra-Net as Randall pondered the time difference in this realm. With a fizzle of sparks, Ultra-Net gave a warbled series of his happy beeps before an old Dot Matrix printer began to churn out a message:

Can rest now. Happy. Friends.

As the message fell out, a splurt sound from within Ultra-Net sounded the arrival of a puddle of suspicious green liquid that smelt of pistachio. Ultra-Net had delivered his last snowball.

The Crystal Labyrinth

Not to confuse Brian O' Richardson with
Richard O' Brien, of course.

The players then set about collecting the crystals they needed. They tried first of all creating a party/snowball fight in the settlement which resulted in the settlement's destruction (but the acquisition of two crystals!). They then tried one of the fractured realities but forgot to check for traps, resulting in Lost getting a face full of acid for his trouble. In the realm it seemed to be a simple case of grabbing a crystal from a test tube but this resulted in Ivy gaining a new hideous facial scar and developing a very short temper.

The next reality they tried saw them finding a little girl with a blindfold, sobbing in the middle of a burnt-out warehouse. She was crying out for her mother so Karys pretended to be her, comforting her as best as she could while they tried to work out what the puzzle in this reality was. When they removed the blindfold they found the girl's eyes had been carved out and replaced with crystals - Karys put her to Sleep while Lyrica carved out the girl's eyes (refusing to waste her healing prayers on the girl...).

The final reality they tried saw them take on a dragon. This resulted in a scorched Ivy and Karys but they got the crystal. They had had enough though, they wanted to get these crystals already, so they resorted to mugging anyone they could find wandering the City. Luck was on their side and they managed to get all the remaining crystals they needed from their first encounter with a giant golem made of bodies from the River of Sacrifice.

The Dark Gods

"Will you start the fans, please!" Brian O'Richardson cried as the characters placed their crystals into the lift at the pillars base, "Its just my little joke. I make it every time."

As they shot up the pillar, the characters mulled over what they were actually going to do or even see up there. Brian reminded them that they had 10 minutes so they better make it good!

The disc made its way to the top where three tall black obsidian blocks sat in a circle facing inwards. On each block it appeared that a human had been splattered across the surface and they responded to the character's questions in unison without their features moving.

The characters quickly realised that something wasn't right, these couldn't be the Dark Gods. During a rant from Lost however, one of the blocks (the one that had its back to the group) called out, "Lost, is that you?".

It transpired that Favian was on the block and he recounted that he had made a deal to take control here in exchange for their entire home country's populace. Way back in the beginning of all this, there had been one of the hooks that islands were to be claimed in the name of their homeland but unfortunately the wording of the letter allowed the bearer to act on behalf of the homeland. He was feeling pretty upset about it all now and just wanted to be free.

A failed intelligence roll from Lost saw the group covering the blocks in lard then Karys turning the lard to milk - Lost was sure that these 'Dark Gods' were lactose intolerant - but this plan did nothing. Randall instead decided to blow them up with the gunpowder he had been carrying around all this time.

As the stones crumbled, a couple of the characters became aware that something was different about their view and, like staring at one of those 3d magic paintings, they realised that two of the moons in the sky were in fact eyes and they were being observed by a very angry looking colossal sized Venger Satanis!

"WHY?" boomed in their skulls.

The characters were defiant. Karys tried to see if she could take over Venger Satanis but failed (repeatedly). Ivy fired off a shot but it did nothing.

"DIE." was the response.

"Well, sadly that's all we have time for, come along, come along". Brian O'Richardson interrupted the battle and began ushering them back to the transport - their 10 minutes were up!

Venger got off one shot which resulted in the death of Lyrica, her brains exploding inside her skull but the rest managed to scamper onto the disc quickly. They weren't sad for too long though as Brian explained that they wouldn't go away empty handed, giving them each a commemorative crystal to keep before asking them if they had enjoyed themselves and where they'd like to go now.

After some debate they decided, "The Purple Islands!". Brian clapped his hands and smiled warmly.

They then woke up. They were in a hut, and looking around them someone had set up a really ineffective trap over the doorway. They were back in their starting hut from the first day.

After Party

Lots of happy faces, lots of grins, lots of laughs. That's pretty much my memory of our time in the Purple Islands. I set out to run The Islands of Purple-Haunted Putrescence seriously but with a dark comedic edge, using Lamentations of the Flame Princess to keep the characters fragile and in fear. It was next to impossible.

The setting is delightfully gonzo and glorious. It begs for heroes to dominate their way through its land, to face off mysterious foes and greet strange races. Each hex is a dramatic B-movie plot waiting to happen and no matter how seriously you try to approach it the temptation proves too strong and you have to unleash the lunacy.

Despite spanning 8 weeks we scratched maybe a fifth of the content at best. I'm eager to run Purple again with new characters arriving to the islands some time in the future, theres still so much to do (and so much I can add now I have an even better understanding myself of the Islands). While I was looking forward to seeing if the players could work out a way to defeat Venger Satanis, they had only earned 10 minutes and it all seemed to work in a silly way. Will future players try to return to face Venger's god-form?

If I were to run it again however I'd run it using Venger's latest system, "Crimson Dragon Slayer" - the 80's action fantasy charm would be a perfect marry to the chaos of Purple.

I can't thank the players enough though as they were fantastic. For the last session they all wore purple, they were supportive of each other and myself, and together we created a fantastic loopy game. Purple cakes and purple jelly made an appearance.

Many thanks to +Tiffany G.C. Sanderson, +Matthew Sanderson, +Scott Dorward, +Kathryn Jenkins, and +Victoria Allin for a wonderful couple of months and a thanks to +Venger Satanis for stepping in with a video appearance - this was the icing on the cake for the last session and made things, well, incredibly Purple. Kat has done some fantastic art over the course of things so I'm going to nudge her to upload to her G+ for sharing too.